Guys for starters I just want to say, it’s not Britney. I don’t know why I said that.

Ew, double lies! I totally know why I said that. It’s because I always want to say that, but generally, since my name isn’t Britney, I’m precluded from saying it. “It’s Erin, Bitch” doesn’t really have the same panache, and so, here we are.

Other things I always want to say but mostly lack occasion for:
1. “Who poisoned the water hole?!”
2. “That’ll put marzipan in your pie plate.”
3. “Welcome to the jungle.”

I mean, I don’t live anywhere near the jungle. Basically I can only say it when I smother my lover’s face with my hair and he chokes on it. You know, during coitus. Welcome to the Jungle, Baby.

This is all a roundabout way of expressing that, after like three years of not writing a blog, I Have Clearly Lost the Ability To Organize a Well-Composed Blog.

Bear with me; it will come back.
Which is to say- my blog will be returning to your regularly scheduled whatever.
Do I owe you an explanation? Did you feel abandoned and abused by my desertion of our shared space? Well to tell you the truth- I was wigged out by all y’all sharing my space.

Something I think about a lot is my generation’s inability to conduct our lives without an audience- and I really didn’t want my blog to be some sort of a performance. I became somewhat conflicted and confused by the inevitable duality of existing as a flesh and blood human, and also existing as a created persona on the interwebs. Who am I really? Am I this me or that me? UGH.

Took me awhile, but I’ve realized: who the fuck cares. In my time without this space that we shared, I’ve come to realize that it was really never about anything like that. Oh blog readers, I don’t mean to hurt you- but I was never writing for an audience and that includes you. I was writing for me. Because I’m a writer. And it feels so good to just…. yoke impossible words together for the soundsex of it.

I’ve got nothing to prove. Just oh so many thoughts that I’ve followed all the way down the rabbit hole- and nowhere to fully illustrate the beautiful map of all those twists and turns.

Frankly, I’ve missed saying whatever the hell I want to both no one and everyone. I’ve missed avidly peppering my million dollar sentences with incongruent curses. I guess for me, writing a blog is the 21st century version of standing on the edge of a mountain and yelling completely uncensored shit at the abyss. It’s self indulgent- which is why I stopped doing it in the first place- but as the years have passed, I’ve realized, pretty much everything about being a human is self-indulgent. Including living itself.


Might as well blog about it.

Sadly, most of my former readers are probably dead now, cuz there was like one and she was your grandma. That’s right. Yours. But I say unto you, visitors new and old- you might like it here.

Not to brag, but I’m 4 years smarter than last time I was assaulting you all with my word babies.

That was Beta Blog; this is Blog 2.0. The stickiest of all.

Welcome to the Jungle.